Ragin' Cajun Movie Reviews
by Violetvenomkiss
Summary: Move over Rotten Tomatoes, Ragin' Cajun Reviews is comin' through! Remy Lebeau decides to share his movie experience with us and a rating of the movie afterwards. First up? Breaking dawn part 1.ROMY sprinkled throughout.May turn into a series, who knows.


Title: Ragin' Cajun Reviews

Summary: Move over Rotten Tomatoes, Ragin' Cajun Reviews is comin' through!

A/N: Just a little thought that popped into my head as I was watching movie reviews on youtube. I would love watching Remy give movie reviews in a video, I would hit replay all day. I apologize to all of you twilight fans out there, there will be bashing.. Desole, they are just not my type of vamps. Remember, to each his own. If you can't take a joke then don't read!

Disclaimer: I do not own Marvel, X-men Evolution, breaking dawn, Rotten tomatoes or anything else in this story that you may know

Bonjour Mon readers, how y' doin? Remy doin' well. Somet'in happened over the weekend dat made me want t'share dis wit you. Yes, dis is will be a movie review! Remy knows y'd love to see dis devilishly handsome face on youtube for your viewing pleasure! But sadly dis homme has t'ings t'do and people to see. No time for editin' and all dat. So, he's decided to write it all down in his blog.

Now gon' first start off by telling y' mon movie theater experience, initial review of de movie, den Remy'll be givin' it a rating. Rating will be given in cards, one card being the worst, 5 being de best. If Remy happens to charge de cards, it means it has that boom-worthy factor to it. Sound good? Bon!

So first up Breaking Dawn Part une.

Remy admits t' being forced to watch de other twilight movies because a certain southern goddess uses her beautiful methods of persuasion to convince dis Cajun to watch de dvds wid her. Which is perfectly fine when we in our room, on de bed, wit de lights off and Roguey wearing nothing but a…err okay! Back to Breaking dawn part une, let me clear dis up for y' mes amis, Remy didn't go into dis movie willingly. It took a lot of persuadin' from mon belle chere, Roguey. A lot of beggin'…and screamin'…and whipped cream…. Okay Remy gettin' off topic here again so let's jus say it took a whole lot of convincin' for dis Cajun to go see dis teenage vampire romance flick wit a bunch of femmes. Now bein' in a room wit a bunch of femmes normally wouldn't scare Remy. It's somet'in he more than experienced wit. It's jus **these** particular femmes.. Well, dey scary as hell. Scarier den Apocalypse, Sinister and naked Blob combined. Once you say une bad t'ing bout twilight or question de lore of it, a twilight femme will never forgive you, or forget about how 'You dare insult the love that is twilight!'...lemme tell you, a certain _Chaton_ got a mean right hook … Anyway back at de theater, wit' femmes ranging from bout Rahne's age to Wolverine's age wearing either team Edward or team Jacob t-shirts, was packed to de brim. Remy did notice dere were a lot of other sad hommes bein' dragged to dis movie by dere girlfriends, so dat was a good thing to know he wasn't alone! N Remy thought to himself, hey look at de bright side, you'll be sittin' riiiiiight next to Roguey… In de dark... Wit de arm rest up so it can't separate us...and her wearin' dat really sexy black skirt Remy likes so much…okay gettin' off topic again! Where was I, Breaking dawn part une.

Okay as de lights dimmed dese femme starting screamin'! Now de only time I wanna hear femmes screamin' is if dey beneath me. Or on top, or upside down… and those'll be screams of pleasure, mind you.. Dese femmes were screamin and de movie wasn't even startin'! Mon dieu it's just de movie previews. Which were de most entertaining part of dis whole movie experience.

When de actual movie started, Remy found himself questioning why he was dere in the first place when de desperate boy took off his shirt and ran into de woods..In de rain. De sex scene was a little more den awkward. Hearin' lil femmes and grown women sighing and 'ooohing'. Listen, if dey had sex and all dey got were a couple o' bruises…well kids, dat is not real sex.. De only t'ing dis Cajun gathered about dis movie is dat dey get married, bang and break de bed, someone gets pregnant, has de baby den someone else falls in love wit dat baby. Dat's it.

Now Remy is very into dis whole paranormal vampire, werewolf, supernatural, t'ing because Remy himself is mysterious, supernatural, devilishly handsome, hypnotic and amazing. But twilight is where I draw de line. Gambit just doesn't see de allure of dat Bella femme. She isn't even attractive. N Remy don't mean in a physical way, he mean she a bit boring. Where's her fire? Her passion? Take Roguey for example. Now dat's a belle femme. Tres Magnifique. My spitfire southern goddess is de type of fille hommes should fight over.

Anyway back to Breaking Dawn Part une. Remy almost forgot de Edward homme is a telepath. Kinda reminds him of Emma Frost. Someone who wears too much makeup, worries about dey hair and can sparkle in de sun.

Mon final Review: If y' a fan of de series, of course y' gon' love it. If y' just jumpin' into it, you'd probably be confused as hell and have to watch de other 3 movies. Or don't, it would save y' hours. Let's just say y' can just skip dis whole series. Unless y' femme is draggin' y' along, in other words just do what y' femme says and you won't get hurt.

So as Remy salutes all de hommes who were dragged to see dis movie, he rates it 1 outta 5 cards. No charge… Or maybe he should charge de card and throw it at de projector. On second thought dat would make his chere mad and a mad Roguey equals no-

"Swamp Rat!" Remy poked his head up from the computer. Rogue was furiously making her way towards him with something in her hand. As she got closer he realized it was her Twilight saga new moon poster, except it had the n m o o n burned out, so it read 'twilight saga ew'

He snickered as he quickly typed in closing,

Speakin' of Roguey, my little southern spitfire awaits! Till next time mes amis.

Ragin' Cajun Remy

A/N: Hope you liked!


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